Guess...

it's enough tears for today. Don't you think so? :')

His Ways and Not Mine

I remembered suddenly yesterday about what Pastor Julie said during camp, "Let God be God". I know this even way before youth camp, but never seem to do what is being said. Many times in life, I like to have things my own way or even do things my own way. And sometimes even go ahead of God's plan and decide something for myself. The very lesson that I learnt from not "Letting God be God" was last year.

I've always had this desire to have a family of my own ever since I was 12. It is my heart's desire obviously. But in the process, I don't want to do the wrong thing or be with the wrong person just because of this desire of mine (which becomes dangerous if I give into my own heart and ways). Fell in love last year, felt that it was really special. Prayed about it and asked God, but I was too impatient for the answer. Concluded that he might be the one for me and practically led each other on for quite awhile. At the end, it bruised me so bad. Cause as I was happily ignoring God's answer and could only hear what I WANT and not what GOD WANTS. And yes, at the end, God had to speak to me REAL LOUDLY, and it hit me with a BANG.

I told myself over and over again, the next guy that I fall for, I'm going to pray, pray and PRAY until God answers! I'm going to WAIT patiently and not make a move. But just let God lead things where He wants it to be. Not going to make the same mistake over again. Just letting Him be Him right now. At the same time, enjoying my singlehood as much as I can :) At this time, I just want to seek Him first and not bother about the things where He won't be giving to me at this time yet. Gonna trust in His ways and His timing in my life. Because He knows best! :)

I don't want to be led astray just because of what I want or what my heart desires. That, in my opinion, would be the saddest thing ever to happen. It's not wrong to desire to get married and stuff, but it becomes wrong when God is not the center of attention of it (get what I mean?). If I were to be with someone, it has got to be God's plan, timing and way. And no, no other than that! I want to lead life now, trusting Him, following Him wherever He leads me and waiting patiently for my PRESSIE to come one day! :) <3

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matt 6:33

Peace

So adorable :)



I'd like to think that my path in life has beauitful cherry blossom trees for me to see as I'm walking.. <3



Always loved autumn..



Love them.. :)









"I know I'm a dreamer, but it's never wrong to do so anyway.."

Go away..!

Do not approach or reach out to me if you never plan on knowing me truthfully and sincerely.
Do not be utterly nice or sweet to me unless you know you've got feelings for me.
Do not touch me if you don't intend to give me a signal of how you feel about me.
Do not purposely do things that'll trigger my curiosity towards you if you do not intend on making me fall for you.
Do not barge into my life if you never intend on staying...

P.S- GO AWAY jerks! I'm not playing games.. So unless you wanna lose and bleed, don't even dare do such things to me. Please and thank you ;)

Trying too much?

A lot of us try to be someone that we're not when we've fallen for someone who is the complete opposite of us. True that I am no stranger to this fact, cause I've been there done that. If the fella likes football, then you would TRY to love it as well. Wake up at 4.30am to watch the latest game just so that you can keep up with him. TRYING to stay awake even though you can barely survive after watching the game for only 5 mins! Purposely went to buy his favourite football team jersey so that you think you would have something in common. You start playing football even though you hate it and you so don't want to run around just to chase after a ball. Hmmm.. sounds familiar?? ;)

It could be other things as well, like his taste in music. Though he likes heavy rock and you used to BASH that type of music genre, and now you wanna TRY to LOVE it just because he does. Trying to turn yourself into the "hot stuff" that he likes and all that? Yeah.. I think all of us practically went through that phase in life. I have learned through all the heart breaks and crushing on guys, that you just need to be YOURSELF. No point trying to fit yourself into a bubble that you do not belong in. If the guy is really worth your feelings and emotions, he should see and love you for who you are!

So what if I don't like chess? So what if I don't like watching football? So what if I'm not THAT LAME? So what if I don't like to eat what he likes to it?? So what if I'm not the HOT STUFF in town?? So what if I like sappy love stories? So what if I like painting sceneries instead of drawing his FAVOURITE MANGA? So what if I like being a goofball? So what if I like to be quiet and stare into space sometimes? So what if I BURP like a dude sometimes? What you see is what you get man! And I love ME! <3>I contemplated and realized as I grew, the man whom God has chosen for me would not just appreciate and love me for my strengths. But he would love me for my weaknesses as well. He wouldn't compare me with other women because in his eyes', I am special in my own ways. Even when I act like a nutso and an oddball or a goofball. He would cherish and appreciate me for being me, even though I might just choke him up for making me mad! :P He would appreciate and love our differences. He would just hug me and reassure me that everything's going to be alright during bad times, cause he knows hugs are just what I need instead of words. He would stand up for me and laugh with me when I embarrass myself. He wouldn't mind just sitting by my side watching me paint my ugly paintings. He wouldn't mind teaching me some cool tricks that he knows (since many guys would think that women will just be women.. no?) He would encourage me to always trust and depend on God. And to give God more love than him. And the list can go on and on and on. Most of all, he would forever be true and be mine because we love through and with God's love. And for HE loved us first :))

So guys and girls, know that you are truly beautiful from the inside out no matter what people say or think about you. Cause the ones who truly love you and will forever stay, are those who do not expect you to be perfect, but those who see your imperfections as beautiful :) know that God created you as who you are for a reason. For He loves every bit and part of you :) Love yourself, otherwise, how are you able to truly love others? Hug yourself and give yourself some LOVE!! :)) <3

Awww... Quirky, but cute :) RAWR too! :P

" what makes you different, makes you beautiful.."

Watching...

Watching everything pass me by, slowly but surely. Sometimes I wish I am able to grasp each beautiful detail of it. Sometimes I wish that I wouldn't just sit there and watch, but to be there and go through the pain with it. The eyes see and the heart yearns, but the body doesn't move. Shouldn't there be an instant reflex of action when the heart urges and yearns to do something?

And then I remember, the mind is there. It has always been the barrier to everything beautiful and hopeful. I wonder oh God, when will I be able to act upon the desires that You have put into my heart? To not think twice and second guess myself anymore. When will I be able to not hide my true feelings? To not be afraid or ashamed by what the world sees.

I need You to help me see, the beautiful of every bad ending. And the everlasting joy and peace of every good ending. Let my heart not be afraid anymore. Let my spirit and flesh move to every beat that You cause my heart to. I need You.. And so does my heart, Lord...

Always Seem To Be..

Why is it that everytime there needs to be a boundary towards something that I feel? I'm always able to sense and feel it, but never able to touch and hold onto it. Sometimes it's just too frustating. Knowing that something is there but yet it's so far away. Felt it too many times, I'm tired and I'm getting sick of feeling this way for countless of times. Why can't this just be easy to start with?

I'm sick of just looking at it with silence. I wanna branch out and be able to make it MINE. But how? I just don't know what I can do. It aches and it pains me to feel this way again and again. I want to throw it back into the ocean and let it DROWN. But I think, I threw myself in with it...

God, save me....