Watching...

Watching everything pass me by, slowly but surely. Sometimes I wish I am able to grasp each beautiful detail of it. Sometimes I wish that I wouldn't just sit there and watch, but to be there and go through the pain with it. The eyes see and the heart yearns, but the body doesn't move. Shouldn't there be an instant reflex of action when the heart urges and yearns to do something?

And then I remember, the mind is there. It has always been the barrier to everything beautiful and hopeful. I wonder oh God, when will I be able to act upon the desires that You have put into my heart? To not think twice and second guess myself anymore. When will I be able to not hide my true feelings? To not be afraid or ashamed by what the world sees.

I need You to help me see, the beautiful of every bad ending. And the everlasting joy and peace of every good ending. Let my heart not be afraid anymore. Let my spirit and flesh move to every beat that You cause my heart to. I need You.. And so does my heart, Lord...