Thinking about the way you treated me before. Really makes me feel so incredibly stupid. Why didn't I just end it on the spot where things have started to go so wrong?! I feel so disappointed with myself. Thinking that things would go well. Sorry to say this to myself. It didn't go well. How stupid I was thinking that you would change. Such childish character you have. It just goes with the saying of "boys will be boys". How true that is. I blame myself for being so blind and doing such an aweful thing to myself and to my life. Knowing you and being with you was not a mistake. But it is MY big mistake. You thought that I do not know what you were doing to me? You thought that I do not know what you were doing when I am not around? You thought that I do not know what you do to those females out there? I'm sorry my friend. But your wrong, I know more than those who told it to me. I know more than you think I don't know. How stupid I was to cover it all up for you. I gave you chances after chances. But you never took them didn't you? Throw them in the dustbin or BE as blind as you want. Coz chances are no more. They are long gone like ashes that disappears and wanders around everywhere.
Wander as much as you want. Because I won't be there anymore. True, there were happy times. But most of the time. I realize right now. Are lies, sometimes laughing to myself like a fool. What a naive girl I was. So naive that I would want to give up my soul just for you. A boy. Yes, I repeat a boy. Foolishly and painfully I accept those lies. You don't give me laughter and hope to go on. You give me a broken heart.
Trying to pick it up like a fool each and every single day over and over again. Tears that fall from my eyes. You only see salt water coming out from my eyes. Frankly speaking, you don't see or know why they come out at all. You give me broken hopes. Thinking that it will be ok. Too bad, it was just your actions, your lies and not your heart. Broken hopes are what you give me.
These tears of mine, isn't worth a boy like you. Just letting you know. I don't regret being with you. Because I made that mistake. I don't regret ending it. Because I made the right choice. How merciful and gracious God was to me. Asking me to end it so that I would be restored again. But, I never gave God that chance to restore me. What a fool?! What a fooL?! But it happened, and thank God that He helped me make that decision. That decision that totally restored me, gave me a newer life , a renewed heart and most importantly a new hope. I thank Him that I no longer need to dwell in that nightmare that you have put in my life. I am now dwelling in a happier place. Whether you like it or not. Its non of your business anymore. You don't own me and I don't own you. So move on. Just move on. You don't owe me anything and I don't owe you anything. So just go. Just go. Don't let me see your face dwelling in that dark shed again. The person who will be saving you is not me anymore. But God, let Him save you while I have nothing to do with you anymore. How crucial I can be,you have no idea. Thank you that you have put that heartless part in me. Thank you because even when I leave someone. I wouldn't cry and feel sorry for them. Because that IS your mistake. Help is what you want huh? I'm sorry, I do not know how to give it to you anymore. But God knows, seek for Him. He has been opening His arms so wide for you ever since you were born. So please, take my advice. Go to Him and hug Him. Stop being so stubborn and foolish. Wake up you fool! Time waits for no man. Go now. Don't regret for life. Cause I have told you. And I will continue. For now, and forever. Stop coming back to haunt me. Spare me please. As I want you to go away from my life. And I wanna whisper this to you right now. Move on... move on... Forget about what has happened and what has been done. Goodbye.
3 comments:
Just felt that I should say something but I don't quite know what to say. However, I know and feel your pain. Take as much time as you need to heal. I applaud you for defending your idendity as a young yet maturing lady deserving of the same respect that everyone should be given regardless of the things that make us who we are. Having said so, do pray for him (whoever he is). Do not be too quick to judge people or be critical and cynical of them, for you may not know how helpless some are in their situation or understand fully the nature of their problem. Where relationship issues are concerned, trust a teenager only to the extent of their capabilities in earning that trust. (Although, I must clarify in saying that I strongly believe that trust is something that cannot be earned; rather, it is naturally occuring - here's some food for thought for you.) So, pray for him.
wow.. now only i know you commented. Thanks man.. Actually, I'm all over the situation already. I just felt like I need to say something. And yea, I'm still praying for him. But I definitely do not talk to him. Haha. Thanks for the advice.=)
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