Getting Low

Okay, now.. look at the time. Its already 11.30 pm when I am typing all this. I have never blog at this time before (just to let you know). Btw, as you all know form 5s are having their exams. (If you read other blog owners who are having SPM this year). I have finished my one week exam and preparing for another two weeks. HUURRRAAyyyyyyyyyyyyy.... Yeah, not that awesome at all. Today, I attended GTPJ's 1st WORSHIP MEETING IN 2009!! I really think that what Ps.Gwen said was right. A lot of us just do it like business or treat it as work. It shouldn't be that way. It should be an experience, it should be different everytime we do it. And another thing she said was, we shouldn't think that God only works in a box. And we limit Him that way. Always know and believe that God can work in every way and it is just up to us to bring it.

I have to say this, of course whenever I do sound I will do it with the presence of the Lord. I would always ask Him for guidance and strength. But, I don't really have the joy of doing it. As in, I'm always thinking about 'oh man.. I'm just SO TIRED.. aIyo.. later have to roll the cable somemore la..'.. And I realize today that, that is N0T HOW IT SHOULD BE!! Serving Him is one thing and worshiping Him is another. I'm honoured to serve Him and all. But am I worshipping Him as I serve Him?? Am I a worshipper of Christ? The reason why John(a diciple of Christ) can spot and feel His presence (after Jesus died but rose on the 3rd day) is because He is a worshipper of Christ.

And I realize now. THat right now, my spirit juice is all used up. I have not been worshipping Him and even when I do sound or serve Him right now. I can't feel Him. Its not like He is not with me. HE IS.. He has always been there. Its just that I am not reaching out to Him. I can't let this happen anymore. I need to get back right on track with Him. I feel lost. All these crazy things happening right now. I mean, its not that bad things are happening (can I consider exams as bad??? =P). There is just so much going through my mind lately. I think it is call growing??

I want to take music course next time when I go to college.(classical music).. But I am just WAYYYYY behind. I am not up to that standard yet. I am just so worried that I can't make it. I'm so AFRAID of everything. My parent's keep telling me about how much money I can make being a music teacher or something like that. Yeah, I wanna be a music teacher that inspires my students to love music with a pure heart and play with a pure heart as well. And at the same time, I would really LOVE LOVE LOVE to be involve in the orchestra. ANd YES! Money is definitely very important in the reality world(to live and survive of course).. But what if I just want to do it because I love it? Is that so wrong? I know the road is going to be tough. But tell me, how many successful people in this whole wide world have not gone through tough times in their lives in order to be successful?? How many of us have to go through that grooling process in order to score good results??

Everything as to start small and then slowly it becomes BIG. Through that process, it takes a lot of hard work, dedication and perseverance. I know that, but I am just so afraid that I will give up half way and disappoint my parent's. I really do not want to let that happen. I can't afford to lose. But in order to be successful, I guess you have to taste defeat once then you'll get up right?? Well, if this is what I have to go through in order to achieve greatness. Then I guess I will do it!

Lord, I may be going through a LOT OF STORMS in the future. But I will always be STILL and know You are GOd..